Dear Sara,

It's come to my attention that you aren't planning on writing me a love song today. I'm fine with that. Truly, I am. You see, Sara.. if you had used a god damn bit of common sense or maybe just a q-tip, you'd realize I never asked you to write me a fucking love song. I understand that "wanna play some pong" and "write me a love song" sound pretty similar when you've got your head up your ass, so I might've cut you some slack.

But not this time, sister. Not this time. You don't have to write me a love song to get me to stay. As a matter of fact, there's not a song in this world that can get me to stay. No, no, no.. kick rocks, lady. You're on your own. Later on, be gone and so on and so on.

Slut.

-Erik

P.s. You were a terrible fuck.

I'd say this just raises more questions than it answers.

Reads more like a letter than a memo.

i luv this song as much as i luv bowwow and he is CUTE xoxo

You log in and log out really quick.

PROBABLY BECAUSE IT IS A LETTER CLELVERLY DISGUISED AS A MEMO! HAHAHAHAHA! WOOOOOO! WHO WINS?! I DO!

I hate you for being right. Memo just sounds so dismissive.

That's a pretty bad disguise. You know, what with it looking like a letter and all.

It's more complex than that. I'm not one to give out trade secrets, but it involves using both firefox and internet explorer.


0th level thinking

I thought I was on FCP - did I stumble onto Craigslist?

Single, White Male. Seeking Male-to-Female Transexual or Herm. for ball torture, prostate milking and yellow/brown play. Passable is preferable, but not necessary. If we meet, please do not look me in the eye, or call me anything besides "slug". Openness to erotic asphyxiation a plus. Serious inquires only, email with pic if interested.

Dear Eric,

It has come to my attention that you are bad mouthing me on the internet for a simple misunderstanding that occurred. Imagine my surprise when I was informed, while I was recording the love song you requested, that you had actually requested to play pong. Pong and song rhyme, that's pretty funny. Well, not funny, but it's something. Still, I want you to know that I've finished the song for you, and I hope you like it. Here are the lyrics.

Eric, you're stoic, you're heroic
Homophobic
That's not a crime, but in time
You'll be mine, in time. Mine.
Time.
I hope you know it
I hope you own it, your love
My love
Our love

BA BA DA DA HEE HAW MC GRAW

the end (I sing that, "the end", most artists don't, but Sara Bareilles does...)


What I'm saying is that I hope this song is enough to make you stay. You're all I ever wanted. Your beautiful glasses, your sharp wit, the way you desperately cry for attention on an poker forum and act so deep and dark, and hurt and REAL. I never knew what I had until you boldly cried out to a handful of virtual strangers that I couldn't have you anymore. Lesson learned, and thanks for having the courage to teach it.

-Sara

I'd say that just raises more questions than it answers.

**** you, I sent you 3 pics at least and I never heard shit back from you. I even labeled my email to you "serious inquiry" so you can choke to death for all I care slug.

BA BA DA DA HEE HAW MCGRAW is quality lyrics.

Unless you set up a Sara Bareilles Myspace I can't fathom myself believing in your existence, and there had better be actual music on said Myspace.

Ok, someone has too much time on their hands. Show yourself.



QFT.

also, lois:

Sara Bareilles' Myspace

I was hoping that one of the fake accounts would go through the trouble of faking one. That would have been fun.

I have heard that song, in passing, that she has on her page, but as a rule if it ain't Ratt or Poison or Journey or some shit Lois ain't listening.

What about White Cross or Petra?

All good choices sir.

i thought this was a thread guaranteed to have the word c u nt in it.












i was wrong.














until i typed it.

Sara,

It's Erik. With a K. I knew you didn't care, you filthy cunt(for you, van patrickson). Take your song and shove it up your filthy cornhole. Whore.

Sincerely,

Erik


P.s. Sweet song.

P.p.s. I haven't worn glasses or acted deep and dark and hurt for a year or two now. Best of luck not getting AIDS, filth bag.

P.p.p.s. I am still an attention whore. Sorry about that.

I heard her on a local station singing some other song that I didn't like very much. She's okay. She has a nicer voice than Springsteen.

The Boss owns your face. Deal.

I think you have a crush on Bruce.

Wait, didn't Scram used to have that Avatar? Nikki=Scram? What a cunning ruse...

You just cannot keep your filthy little mouth shut.

Well I didn't tell them about using Opera

so q-tip what you on the mic for

http://youmakemetouchyourhandsforstupidreasons.ytmnd.com/

Amen.

Because I Had To Talk About The Times That I Rhyme
And When M.C.S Come In My Face, I'm Like Mace